THE TRUTH ABOUT FLYING MONKEYS

Posted bystenoimperiumPosted inUncategorized

(This article is from Ashley Nicole – https://www.facebook.com/X0AshleyNicole0X)

Who They Are, Why They Exist, and How to Protect Yourself — One Micro-Moment at a Time

If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you’ve dealt with their backup dancers.

The “flying monkeys.”

The people who run their errands, protect their image, and attack their targets — all while believing they’re being “helpful,” “neutral,” or “objective.”

Let’s break down who they are, why they get recruited, and how to protect your nervous system from the damage they can cause.

This one is going to hit deep.👇

*:•.•:*

🧠 WHAT ARE FLYING MONKEYS?

In narcissistic abuse dynamics, a flying monkey is any person the narcissist recruits to:

✔️ monitor you

✔️ shame you

✔️ guilt you

✔️ pressure you

✔️ isolate you

✔️ confuse you

✔️ enforce their narrative

✔️ or deliver messages on their behalf

Flying monkeys work as an extension of the narcissist’s nervous system — their emotional surveillance, intimidation, and image management team.

And here’s the part most survivors don’t know:

You don’t get flying monkeys because you left.

You get flying monkeys the moment the narcissist sees your empathy as an asset they can weaponize.

.•:*:•.

🔥 HOW THEY GET RECRUITED — BEFORE YOU EVEN KNOW YOU’RE IN DANGER

Narcissists groom the people around them long before the relationship collapses.

They do this through:

🧠 Preemptive Storytelling

The narcissist slowly creates a narrative about what you’re like — usually framing you as sensitive, unstable, “difficult,” or emotionally fragile.

🎭 Reputation Crafting

They present themselves as the calm, reasonable, put-together one.

This contrast creates the perfect illusion.

💬 Selective Vulnerability

They confide in people strategically — offering half-truths that make them look like the wounded hero.

🔄 Triangulation

They compliment others at your expense and share “concerns” about you.

This conditions people to side with them automatically.

By the time you realize what’s happening, the flying monkey web is already spun.

*:•.•:*

🔍 WHY FLYING MONKEYS EXIST

(The Psychological & Sociological Breakdown)

Flying monkeys aren’t random.

They exist because narcissistic systems require them to survive.

🧠 Psychology:

Humans avoid discomfort.

Believing the narcissist is kind is easier than facing their cruelty.

🧩 Social Reward:

People like being close to someone charismatic or powerful — even if it’s fake power.

🤫 Fear:

Some flying monkeys fear becoming the next target, so they comply.

📣 Sociology Fact:

Communities tend to defend the most socially “visible” person, not the most truthful.

And here is the part most people miss — the piece that keeps the cycle alive:

🧩 Cognitive Dissonance

For many flying monkeys, accepting the truth about the narcissist means admitting:

• they were wrong

• they ignored red flags

• they helped enable harm

• the person they admired isn’t who they pretended to be

That level of psychological discomfort is too big for them.

So instead of confronting the truth…

they attack you.

Not because you’re lying —

but because believing you would cost them more than their ego can handle.

.•:*:•.

🧪 TYPES OF FLYING MONKEYS

(From harmless to dangerous — know the spectrum)

1️⃣ The Well-Meaning Helper

They genuinely think they’re being supportive.

They believe the narcissist’s “concern” and don’t realize they’re being used.

2️⃣ The Fixer

Wants everyone to get along.

Believes “both sides are valid” even when one side is abusive.

Danger level: medium — invalidation can traumatize you.

3️⃣ The Loyalist

This person worships the narcissist.

They defend them because it protects their identity and comfort.

4️⃣ The Opportunist

Gets something from the narcissist — attention, status, benefits.

They protect the narcissist because it benefits them.

5️⃣ The Covert Narcissist Flying Monkey

The worst kind.

They are narcissistic themselves and use the chaos as fuel.

They will stalk, smear, harass, and escalate.

This is the one who smiles while destroying your life.

*:•.•:*

🧠 HOW FLYING MONKEYS AFFECT YOU

(The Neurobiology of Damage)

Flying monkeys cause harm even when the narcissist isn’t present.

🧬 Amygdala Activation:

Your threat system stays active because their words feel like the narcissist’s hands.

🧬 Prefrontal Cortex Shutdown:

You lose your words, clarity, and ability to defend yourself.

🧬 Vagus Nerve Dysregulation:

Your body goes into freeze, fawn, or dissociation.

🧬 Trauma Loop Reinforcement:

They echo the narcissist’s narrative, which makes your brain doubt itself again.

A flying monkey doesn’t have to hit you to hurt you.

They just have to make you question yourself.

.•:*:•.

⚠️ WHY THEY’RE SO DANGEROUS

Even the “nice” ones can:

✔️ break your reality

✔️ destroy your support system

✔️ make you feel guilty for protecting yourself

✔️ pressure you into going back

✔️ silence your voice

✔️ invalidate your trauma

✔️ retraumatize you

✔️ make healing ten times harder

Flying monkeys don’t need to believe the narcissist.

They just need to believe you’re overreacting.

And that alone is enough to harm you.

*:•.•:*

🌱 HOW TO DEAL WITH FLYING MONKEYS

(In micro-moments — not perfection)

You don’t need to be brave overnight.

You need micro-bravery, repeated slowly.

Here’s how:

✔️ 1. The 3-Word Boundary

“I’m not discussing this.”

Repeat as needed — no explanations.

✔️ 2. The Disengage Drop

If they push:

“Okay.”

“Noted.”

“You’re entitled to your view.”

End the loop.

✔️ 3. Emotional Gray Rock

No reaction.

No defense.

No explanation.

Just neutrality.

✔️ 4. Micro-Distance

Slowly pull back:

Less time.

Less access.

Less emotional energy.

✔️ 5. Nervous System First

Place your hand on your chest, breathe low and slow, and let your body know:

“We’re safe. They don’t define truth.”

✔️ 6. Let Their Opinion Die in Their Mouth

If someone has to be convinced of your humanity, they never deserved access to it.

.•:*:•.

❤️‍🔥 FINAL TRUTH

Flying monkeys don’t mean you’re weak.

They mean you were targeted by someone who needed a whole army to control one person — you.

You were never powerless.

They were just afraid of what would happen the moment you finally saw the truth.

And here you are — seeing clearly.

You’re not alone.

You’re not crazy.

And you’re not the villain in their story.

They needed a crowd to defend their lies.

You only ever needed the truth.

✨ And that is the difference between you and them.

Published by stenoimperium

We exist to facilitate the fortifying of the Stenography profession and ensure its survival for the next hundred years! As court reporters, we've handed the relationship role with our customers, or attorneys, over to the agencies and their sales reps.  This has done a lot of damage to our industry.  It has taken away our ability to have those relationships, the ability to be humanized and valued.  We've become a replaceable commodity. Merely saying we are the “Gold Standard” tells them that we’re the best, but there are alternatives.  Who we are though, is much, much more powerful than that!  We are the Responsible Charge.  “Responsible Charge” means responsibility for the direction, control, supervision, and possession of stenographic & transcription work, as the case may be, to assure that the work product has been critically examined and evaluated for compliance with appropriate professional standards by a licensee in the profession, and by sealing and signing the documents, the professional stenographer accepts responsibility for the stenographic or transcription work, respectively, represented by the documents and that applicable stenographic and professional standards have been met.  This designation exists in other professions, such as engineering, land surveying, public water works, landscape architects, land surveyors, fire preventionists, geologists, architects, and more.  In the case of professional engineers, the engineering association adopted a Responsible Charge position statement that says, “A professional engineer is only considered to be in responsible charge of an engineering work if the professional engineer makes independent professional decisions regarding the engineering work without requiring instruction or approval from another authority and maintains control over those decisions by the professional engineer’s physical presence at the location where the engineering work is performed or by electronic communication with the individual executing the engineering work.” If we were to adopt a Responsible Charge position statement for our industry, we could start with a draft that looks something like this: "A professional court reporter, or stenographer, is only considered to be in responsible charge of court reporting work if the professional court reporter makes independent professional decisions regarding the court reporting work without requiring instruction or approval from another authority and maintains control over those decisions by the professional court reporter’s physical presence at the location where the court reporting work is performed or by electronic communication with the individual executing the court reporting work.” Shared purpose The cornerstone of a strategic narrative is a shared purpose. This shared purpose is the outcome that you and your customer are working toward together. It’s more than a value proposition of what you deliver to them. Or a mission of what you do for the world. It’s the journey that you are on with them. By having a shared purpose, the relationship shifts from consumer to co-creator. In court reporting, our mission is “to bring justice to every litigant in the U.S.”  That purpose is shared by all involved in the litigation process – judges, attorneys, everyone.  Who we are is the Responsible Charge.  How we do that is by Protecting the Record.

Leave a comment