
“Who are you?”
“Because I want to know if it’s [someone I don’t like] — before I block you.”
These words, or variations of them, have become increasingly common in our profession — not in jest, but as a genuine litmus test for who gets to speak.
Let’s be clear: This is not professionalism. This is not leadership. This is gatekeeping fueled by fear, power, and personal vendettas. And it’s silencing people who are raising valid concerns about the wellbeing of our industry — and our colleagues.
When Identity Matters More Than the Message
There is a deeply corrosive pattern forming: when someone raises questions about workplace abuse, toxic culture, or mismanagement within our state and national associations, they’re often not met with dialogue. They’re met with suspicion.
Not: “What are your concerns?”
But: “Who are you?”
Not: “Can we address this?”
But: “Is this [insert name]? If so, I’m blocking you.”
This isn’t about safety. It’s about power and punishment.
If someone’s words are true, they’re true regardless of who said them. If someone is raising concerns respectfully and constructively, they deserve to be heard — regardless of whether you personally like them, or whether their name has been whispered in backchannel chats and Facebook DMs.
What we are seeing is a culture where personal bias overrides professional integrity — where truth-tellers are preemptively excluded, simply because they’ve previously challenged power.
Fear as a Strategy
This behavior — questioning people’s identities to determine whether they’re worthy of being heard — is not neutral. It’s a form of social control. It’s the profession’s way of saying: “We don’t want to talk about the message. We want to silence the messenger.”
It tells others:
- Speak out, and you’ll be blocked.
- Disagree publicly, and you’ll be exiled.
- Challenge leadership, and you’ll be labeled “toxic.”
This keeps people silent. It keeps them compliant. And it protects those in power from accountability.
When Leaders Act Like Mean Girls
It’s alarming that much of this behavior is coming from individuals in leadership — people who sit on boards, run state associations, or serve in public official court management roles. These are the same individuals tasked with ensuring ethical standards, transparency, and inclusion in our profession.
But instead of modeling those values, they’re asking:
“Is this someone I’ve blacklisted?”
When our professional spaces operate like high school lunch tables — where only those who conform are allowed a seat — we all lose. The culture becomes hostile, defensive, and unsafe.
Especially for:
- New professionals.
- People of color.
- LGBTQIA+ reporters.
- Those struggling with mental health or burnout.
- Anyone who doesn’t fall in line with dominant personalities.
This isn’t just interpersonal drama. It’s a systemic issue. And it’s hurting people — personally, professionally, and sometimes irreparably.
What We Need Instead
We don’t need to agree on everything. But we do need to stop weaponizing identity as a way to silence people. Here’s what a healthy profession does instead:
- Engages with the message, not the messenger.
- Asks questions in good faith.
- Welcomes dissent as a tool for growth, not a threat to power.
- Models professionalism even — and especially — when it’s uncomfortable.
If you disagree with someone’s views, say so — respectfully, factually, constructively. But when you start the conversation with “Who are you?” and end it with “If you’re someone I don’t like, you’re gone,” you’ve already abandoned any pretense of integrity.
A Final Word to the Silenced
If you’ve been on the receiving end of this — if you’ve been blocked, dismissed, or interrogated simply for asking hard questions — you’re not alone.
You’re not the problem. You’re part of a much-needed reckoning.
Keep speaking. Keep documenting. Keep showing up.
The profession won’t change because those in power suddenly grow a conscience. It will change because those who’ve been shut out stop asking for permission and start building something better — out loud, together.
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“start building something better.” Find a different way, or build something better. Life is too short to battle visionless, disrespectful individuals.
Al Betz,
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This is a great message. I am running for Vice President of NCRA and I would l love to speak with you and your team about your mission and your concerns.
Margary Rogers
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Thanks for your message, Margary. We’re always open to constructive conversations that benefit the profession. I’ve made my stance clear publicly. If your interest is genuine, I’d encourage you to engage with the substance of the issues raised rather than the identities behind them. My team and I prefer to stay focused on the message, not behind-the-scenes politics.
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This a very point-on article. I have seen this or heard about this time and time again where board members will block other members or associates just because they don’t agree on whatever the topic is. It is fruitless to accomplishing business. Everyone has to be heard and respected, no matter the profession, the relationship. It goes both ways. It not only hurts the organization but, in the long run, society as a whole.
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Thank you for speaking up and for your thoughtful words. You’re absolutely right—respect and openness are essential, especially in professional communities. I truly appreciate your perspective.
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Good day,
I started to post a comment, but then got sidetracked and couldn’t recall if I submitted it or not, so I decided to reply this way.
I’m a little behind on reading emails and articles, but thankfully saw this one. I struggled with how could I possibly write a worthy comment to such a perfectly written article, then I ran across something and decided to share it instead. (Forgive me for its length and not providing further explanation. I had to force myself NOT to edit any portion of the italicized section below.)
To me, it speaks volumes… just as your article does! I especially like the lawyer’s final sentence. 🤭
~~~~~~
We reflect on the awesome promise of Jesus to His present and future disciples.
“When they hand you over, do not worry about how you are to speak or what you are to say. You will be given at that moment what you are to say. For it will not be you who speak but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.”
Brethren, I love this promise. I have enjoyed it a number of times. The first time was in college when I was facing a panel of hostile lawyers. Suddenly I took aim at their top gun and shouted “What you say has no point in law.” I did not know what I was saying. But those words changed the tide of the confrontation. Now one of my favorite prayers is: “O Holy Spirit, be the Voice that speaks for me in court.”
“ Discover Quality with Integrity “
Linda Bour
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Thank you, Linda — your comment moved me deeply. The passage you shared is a powerful reminder that truth has a voice of its own, and when we speak from a place of integrity, we are never truly alone. I’m grateful you took the time to share your experience and encouragement. “Be the Voice that speaks for me in court” — what a prayer. I’ll carry that with me.
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Good morning!
Thank you for guiding people with your courage!
I read the latest article you wrote, and I love it. You are truly gifted. I need to let you know that there was a slight misunderstanding. I can’t take credit for being the person who spoke up, it was a lawyer. My training is as a machine stenographer. I found the story in the daily reflections on my Catholic Laudate app.
Keep speaking up. Keep writing your articles. I will certainly keep reading them!
Linda
P.S. Maybe my eyes are getting too old, but I looked for and didn’t see your name appear anywhere (and I tend to operate incognito when the occasion calls for it, so if that’s the case, I understand that logic), but if you’d care to share your name, I’d love to get to know you better. If not, I will accept that you prefer to remain anonymous.
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Hi Linda,
Thank you so much for your kind words and support—it truly means the world to me.
And thank you for the clarification! That reflection from the Catholic Laudate app was powerful—and I appreciate you sharing it, even if it wasn’t originally yours. It resonated so deeply that I felt compelled to include it. I’m glad you let me know, and I’ll be sure to give proper credit to the lawyer’s words in future references.
As for my name—yes, you’re perceptive! I’ve been writing under a pseudonym because of the backlash I’ve faced for speaking out on issues that many would rather keep buried. But messages like yours remind me that there are people who value truth, transparency, and courage.
Let’s just say… I’m one of you. A reporter. A believer. A warrior for the record.
With gratitude,
StenoImperium
P.S. Please keep reaching out. These connections remind me why I keep writing—even when it’s hard.
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Linda, thank you for the beautiful inspiration:
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